Smoking and fucking my life over

Cause why not, right? The things I've been eaten for my life are probably gonna kill me, maybe the bloody smog covering this city, maybe I'll get hit by a car, or maybe I'll manage to live a life, I mean, I am living a life, I guess, but a long life, long being 70 years in my count to be honest, I don't want to live that much either.
So why not? I was curious, everyone does it, it looks cool, why not? My 16 and a half years old girlfriend does it, why the hell no? It's not like it's gonna be my doom, well, maybe, economically yes, if I get too addicted too quickly, something that with my personality might happen. I guess it was not such a bright decision, huh? Well, I'm not me if I don't do "unbright" stuff.

It all started with a dream, or what I can remember of it, I was just there in college, someone passed me a cigarette and I smoked it, the next day I woke up, and with most times I've dreamed something like that, I remembered. I got curious and began asking people about their experiences with smoking, why did they do it, how they started, how often do they do it, and so on, I got nice stories out of it.
A couple of days after I went to college again, we haven't had classes in a while due to this strike-ish kinda thing that I don't know how it's called in English, possibly it's called strike, I don't know, so I went there to check for some papers and stuff, ask about a class I had last semester, found a couple of classmates drinking plastic bottle beers, the "good stuff", they gave me some, I'm probably not having that again unless I'm already drunk as a pirate, we talked for a while, and I decided to go home cause it was getting late, took a bus to the subway, which is also near a bus stop where I can take one directly to home, walking towards the station I decided I was going to do this, "I'm an adult, I can make this kind of choices and I really want to try this for some reason" I thought... Stupid me... One of the only times I think of myself as an adult and it's this, amazing, I'm such a fucking jerk... I bought one cigarette, one bloody cigarette, and I always carry a lighter, a friends gift, kinda, he left it in my house for my birthday, said I could keep it, thanks, bro... I stood there with the cigarette in between my fingers and a lighter on the other hand, I lit it and got a bit of smoke in, it was... Nothing... Cause, guess what, I did it wrong and almost didn't get smoke in my lungs, newbie...
 I tried it again a couple of days later, I read stuff about what was the easiest way for starters, standing on a bus stop on my way to college, I had bought a box the day before, it worked, and it felt good.

I'm not gonna say more, if you've smoked you probably know what I felt, if you haven't, well, I am not good at describing stuff, and it's also 3 am right now, not the best time for me to write this... I don't know why am I doing this, nor if anyone cares (Is that how you use the word nor?) I wanted to have this somewhere, so... Uh, thanks, if you're reading this, good night...

Deepest Sigh

I hate to talk so much about things that could be seen as negative, but I swear this is not one of those posts... Kinda.
The thing is basically this:
I think I might be a magnet for people with problems, mostly psychological problems, with themselves, with their families, and things that develop into environments that could be propitious to the development (I can use this word, cause it's totally different to the other one I used before) of mental illnesses or problems.
Why do I say this?
Cause most of my friends, and people I care a lot about have came to me saying things like those, or I've been the one asking "hey, are you ok?" and finding myself with a "no" for an answer.
I can give examples, my two exes, one of my old crushes which is a really amazing person, a friend of mine that I've tried to know better now, a transgender friend, and so the list goes and I'm pretty sure it expands even to my university classmates.
This is kind of a really messy thing, cause, well, I WANT TO HELP THEM BE HAPPY! They're my friends and I care about them a lot and I wish I could help them all with their problems and things... And I try, really really hard most of the time... But I'm pretty sure it doesn't always go the way I plan it...

Sigh!

Friendship is weird, and I'm not sure if in a good friend or not, but at least I try...

Also, I think this is one of the reasons I picked this career, but I wasn't conscious about it...

Surprises

Sometimes life gives you surprises with little things that either could make you have a bunch of different reactions, things that you wouldn't expect to happen, well, happen!
So it's a couple things that have happened to me in the course of this week, that was actually quite short cause, surprise! A four days weekend from Thursday to Sunday! Quite a fantastic surprise for me, not to mention that I had 15 free days this month already.
Another good surprise was on Wednesday, turns out I might not have to course the English class I was supposed to cause I'm already good enough or something, that gives me a couple of hours that, sadly, I guess, will be used on more things for uni, and that also means that this blog has lost its original purpose, I no longer need to use it for classes, which gives me a blog already created to freely use on whatever I want (or to freely not use, that's an option too, I'll see what will happen later).
And for yesterday, well, I got my lower lip pierced, and I got a poster for a movie adaptation of a book I read for free and it's now on my wall, hahah, it's been a good week I think, who knows, maybe I'll find $100.000.000 on the streets, save the Pope's life and meet the love of my life tomorrow!! There's a chance for that, right?

Someday

Wow, what a question.

To be honest I’m the kind of person that dreams of traveling lots of places, since little actually, my dad went to England when I was like 7 or maybe 8 years old, when he came back he couldn’t stop talking marvellous things about his experiences in that country, so, what I’m trying to say is that I’d love to go there too, growing up it also became the country where many of my musical inspirations are from, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Queen, and many more, so I’d like to visit the land that saw them growing.

But that’s not the only country I’d like to go to, I’d actually like to travel through most of Europe, and I’d really love to go to Italy, and the reason it’s cause I love Italian food, so I’d love to taste it the way it is “supposed” to taste.

And I’d like to go to the United States to see some of my friends I’ve got on that country that I’ve never had the chance to visit since I’ve never been out of the country, and maaaaaaaaaybe go to some live shows of the bands I like,  that’s important too, heehhehehehhe.

So yeah, when’s my chance to travel out of the country? P: